Parenting- When You Are Not Biological Parents
Every individual wants to have children and experience parenting. Being parents is the best feeling no doubt, but it is the most responsible and difficult job too. It becomes more complicated in case you are not biological but adoptive parents. There are many factors that determine the strength of bond between such parents and adopted children. If you adopted a new born child it may be a little easy as the child does not have visual memories of parents or any other guardian before. The situation is more intricate and complex when you have adopted a child who had been under some caretaker or parents in past.
Now that you have made an adoption then making a bond with the child is more of your responsibility as first of all you are parents now and are grownups with more developed brains and mature emotions. The reason why the bond must be established sooner is that when the child has had more than one care giver than the transformations affect the relationships of child in all stages of life. He (refer to child can be she also) may develop a kind of uncertainty and insecurity in terms of relations and specially committed relations.
He or his parents both are at a risk of attachment distress or disorders. He may develop initially a kind of fear and insecurity from strangers who are now his mom and dad. Parents also may get suspected of their decision which is very difficult situation and will definitely disturb the whole family. As you are parents you have more accountability to your decision and you should go for adoption only when you are fully prepared for it without any apprehension and anxiety.
Attachment is an emotional bond between individuals that makes them responsible and significant to each other. A bond occurs every time parents meet up with the requirements of the child not only in terms of money-oriented demands more importantly in terms of care, love, emotional and psychological needs. But be careful and understand his immediate needs and fulfil them and not what you feel like. Like if your adopted child is from orphanage or poverty ridden parents then his immediate requirements may be good food, toys, books, clothes etc. and in some unfortunate case when child losses his parents he will miss the love and affection and will feel more connected if supported and cared with personal attention and time.
A sturdy bond between adoptive parents and children has many short term and long term significance. A strong bond will help the child to develop social emotions and he will value relations and commitments. He will learn to face the stress, fears, worries and frustrations and will be more confident. He will learn what is being independent and being interdependent.
He will understand the perceptions of society and will develop a logical and rational thinking.
As attachment is reciprocal in nature so you will get what you give. You must figure out the difference between mercy and love. If you will make the child feel obliged and merciful you will also not find him compassionate but with gratitude.